I hope that wherever you are, you know Recovery is with you right where you are.
This week, I have focused each blog on the two stages of Recovery. Briefly, I would like to review them again.
The first stage of Recovery is our ability to build the exterior of our lives. This includes connecting with professionals, finding employment, participating in 12-Step programs, achieving goals, and building connections with family and friends.
The second stage of Recovery takes us deeper into our inner lives. We become curious about why we think the way we do and why we feel the way we feel. We begin to develop a relationship with ourselves. We learn to love ourselves. And when we make a mistake, we offer ourselves compassion instead of shame.
A close friend recently shared a story with me that helped me understand the first stage of Recovery. She knows someone whose mind is like an airtight vault. This person is searching for peace through the Recovery activities they are involved in, such as therapy and a support group.
But what might be keeping this person from moving into the second stage of Recovery?
More than likely, this person is seeking healing external to themselves. They may need to open the vault—their mind—and allow themselves to become vulnerable to the unresolved feelings created by past wounds.
For now, it may feel safer and more secure to keep the vault closed. Suffering, sadness, anger, and other painful feelings can be frightening. They protect themselves by keeping those feelings locked away.
My journey from stage one to stage two involved finding several keys before I found the right one to open my vault. Until then, my vault had been airtight for more than three decades. I refused to allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone.
That changed in 2014 when I began dating my wife. She made me feel safe and secure without judging me. I distinctly remember the exact moment when something changed inside me: February 4, 2015.
I began to open my mind and listen to my heart and soul. From that point forward, I have been walking through the second stage of Recovery.
The first half of Recovery is done well when we are willing to acknowledge our wounds. Sometimes, these wounds come from the misuse of law, caretakers, authority, customs, and traditions. The anger and blindness this can create can be harbored in our hearts and souls. They can take away our self-confidence and our ability to ask honest questions about ourselves.
But when we become confident and curious about our lives, something begins to change. We become more willing to be vulnerable. We can begin to let go of old wounds. We can open our hearts and seek deeper connections with others.
Perhaps this is one of the gifts of Recovery: we do not have to live in a vault forever. With the right key, the right people, and God’s grace, the vault will open. And when it does, we may discover that our heart and soul have been waiting there all along.
Remember, Recovery is happening right now, in this moment.