May 29, 2026 “Trauma & The Needs for Healthy Growth!”

The mental health session I attended yesterday at the Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, public library went very well. Five people attended, and it was especially nice to have a man join the group.

We had a meaningful discussion about trauma. The conversation reminded me of a book I am currently reading, The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté, M.D.

In the book, Dr. Maté shares the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld, who describes four basic needs that support healthy human development. These needs build on one another, much like a pyramid. When a person experiences long-term trauma, especially during childhood, these needs may not be met, and the effects can carry into adulthood and impact relationships, health, and well-being.

1. Healthy Attachment

Children need strong connections with the people responsible for caring for them. This is not simply about how much a parent loves a child. What matters most is what the child experiences and receives. Parents who are emotionally supported and mature are better able to recognize and respond to their children’s emotional needs.

2. A Sense of Safety and Security

Children need to feel secure enough to be themselves without having to earn love, acceptance, or belonging. This sense of security provides fertile soil for healthy growth. When children feel safe emotionally, socially, and intellectually, development can naturally follow.

3. Permission to Feel Emotions

Children need the freedom to feel and express emotions such as sadness, grief, anger, and pain. They need to know it is safe to be vulnerable.

Dr. Neufeld writes, “Emotion is the engine for maturation; when children lose their tender feelings, they become stuck in their immaturity.”

When children are not allowed to express their feelings, the effects often continue into adulthood. Un