Working the eighth step doesn’t have to hurt, “We acknowledge our behaviors have impacted our relationships. We list those affected by our behavior and whenever possible become willing to reconcile or thank them for their support during a relapse or mental health crisis.”
Working the eighth step requires us to be honest about past mistakes. Working on this step can increase guilt and shame and reduce self-esteem, but there are ways to manage that. Balance things out, and think about additional work, such as listing your strengths and how our defects might be beneficial.
The eighth step can be a blessing when our hearts open to understand ourselves better and can bestow clarity and freedom. It is recommended that we write down our missteps in life. Again we may experience shame and guilt that drags us down into darkness. It is important to shower ourselves with self-compassion and love. If we find ourselves sinking, try some of these ingredients below in collaboration with a support person or a support group.
- List of Assets. While we do a searching and fearless moral inventory of our shortcomings, also write our assets. Examples are generosity, heroism, charity, altruism, kindness, humility, love, sharing, and compassion.
- List the Harms We’ve Experienced. We may have been harmed by a person. It is not the purpose of the eighth step to identify how we have been harmed, balance is important.
- Consider the Benefits of Our Character Defects. When we notice resentment and anger brewing inside of us it may indicate a boundary has been crossed and we may need to say something to restore balance in a relationship. Fear can signal the need to walk down another path, to protect ourselves.
- See Ourselves as Capable of Change. The research is inconclusive on the impact of shame, guilt, and low self-esteem in Recovery. It is debated that guilt and shame may not be all that important in terms of triggering behavior. Some believe it’s the attitude towards them that is important. Guilt and shame can help us see where we can improve and grow.
- Keep Moving Along. It is important to keep progressing through the steps. Step nine, “We seek mutual reconciliation for a harmful action we committed and seek forgiveness from those we harmed or were impacted by our behavior. Then, let go of our shame because it no longer serves a purpose in our lives, we understand we were designed because we are loved and to be in relationships with other people,” this gets us closer to releasing them.
If you do not follow a 12-step program you can still utilize this tool to aid your Recovery. I realize today’s blog was lengthy but it is an extremely important one. Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself as you explore the deepest recesses of your heart and soul.
Claire Wilcox M.D., Psychology Today is the source for the information I am sharing with you today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healthy-brain-happy-life/202107/working-the-fourth-step-doesn-t-have-hurt
Peace
Larry
email: ljw@superhumanbeing.net
website: https://superhumanbeing.net/