For a long time, I found it difficult to be close to God. I was angry at God for allowing sadness, anxiety, and people to hurt me. When I began Recovery I was unwilling to turn my life over to God. I thought, “Why would I allow God to direct my life since he did nothing to protect me?”
There were two events in my life that changed my attitude. One day I was distraught and asked the Deacon from our church to have coffee with me. After sharing with him my displeasure with God and the emotional pain I was in he said to me, “Each time you look at the cross I want you to remember the pain Christ bore by surrendering to the crucifix for us. Regardless of the pain we may endure it pales in comparison to what Christ went through”.
Since that time looking at my crucifix in the office or other location has allowed me to gain perspective on my suffering.
The second event happened during a therapy session with my counselor. I was describing physical abuse at the hands of my father. I said, “Where was God when I was being violently abused?”
My counselor said, “He was standing next to you weeping with you”.
Due to placing my life in the hands of God, I have been able to heal from the pain and suffering of the past. Because I am doing this I notice a spiritual closeness with God which was absent from my life for a long time. I must admit I occasionally fall into only trusting myself. The consequence is a lack of peace.
Have you ever turned your will and your life over to a Higher Power?
Do you allow your real feelings to emerge or are they pushed down so that you are unable to feel most of the time?
Peace
Larry
email: ljw@superhumanbeing.net
website: https://superhumanbeing.net/