In several blogs, I mentioned Recovery is a lifelong journey. Early today I was virtually connected with an author group I have attended for a few years. The authors are from states in our country and other countries worldwide. We offer support, encouragement, ideas, and struggles with our writing careers.
During the morning session, one of the authors asked for feedback on a writing issue she was grappling with. When she outlined for us her issue we were allowed to seek clarification on anything she said. I asked her, “Do you survey your readers and those who take your courses?” What is the motivation for readers to access your services?”
Our facilitator interjected reminding me I was outside the scope of what we were asked to do. In the scheme of our time together this was not a big deal. However, I experienced shame and guilt due to my actions. The facilitator was kind and gentle helping me to stay on track. Where did the shame and guilt come from?
I am pondering this question to discover the root cause of the dialogue entering my mind. I am a rule follower taking pride in my efforts to adhere to boundaries. Additionally, I am a perfectionist and do not like disappointing people.
When I was a child and during my early adult years I received pats on the back for following the rules or my father physically abused me for doing something wrong. With that said, I strived for perfection because I was recognized for a job well done or my dad said to me, “Now don’t get a big head because you got this award.”
The incident from earlier today reminds me how messages I received fifty years ago can linger in my mind. The blessing is I am self-aware of how to respond when this happens to me. I have peers to talk to about what happened during my author’s group meeting. Our Peer Recovery Support group meets on Thursday evenings from 6-7:00 pm CST. https://superhumanbeing.net/thursday-zoom-event/
The other blessing I experience when shame or guilt surfaces is, “If I name it I can tame it.” During the early years of Recovery, I was overwhelmed by these feelings and unable to function for a day or more. My growth in Recovery is evident because shame and guilt no longer hold me hostage.
How do guilt and shame impact you?
I began the reduction in medication on February 5, 2025. On a scale of 1 (worst) and 10 (rocking it), I am averaging a 7. My mood has been steady with the decrease in the medication. One issue we want to address is drowsiness and lack of stamina. Thus, far this has not changed. I am beginning to wonder if these issues are a result of my gastrointestinal challenges. Today when I do my journal I will be giving myself a 6 on the scale due to the shame and guilt seeping into my mind and heart.
The journey of Recovery is ongoing. Thank you for reading my blogs and sharing your responses with me. Healing happens when we are connected.
SuperHuman Being
Peace
Larry
email: ljw@superhumanbeing.net
website: https://superhumanbeing.net/