I learned during my Recovery and all the trainings I participated in the importance of “High Self-Esteem” and I have repeated the same thing to other people. Why is this approach so common in our lives? When I get roped into the, “I am not good enough story”, this does not increase my self-esteem. I have been told to replace a negative story with a positive one: focus on my strengths and successes. I diligently work to hold on to the positive part of myself to keep the old, “should have tried harder” story at a distance.
This approach does not work for me. Does it work for you? I continued the battle with my thoughts, I even started to use positive affirmations. This is a self-help technique that involves repeating positive things to myself like, “I deserve to be happy”, “Don’t worry be happy”, “I am a good person”, and “I take care of my body and mind”. I have learned I don’t believe what I am telling myself. It’s like saying, “I am Captain Marvel” or if you are female “Bat Woman.” No matter how often I tell myself I am Captain Marvel I don’t believe it, would you?
Self-concept is a good thing because it allows us to reflect on ourselves which is a key ingredient in personal growth. We want to hold it lightly rather than hook us (Obey what our mind tells us do whatever it tells us to do and Struggle we attempt to get rid of what we are thinking). Neither one of these are helpful in the long run.
Russ Harris in his book, “The Happiness Trap” says, “Unhook from The Big Story (what we are telling ourselves) using any method you prefer. We can notice and name it: Here’s the ‘not good enough’ story. We can drop anchor. We can make room for all those painful feelings the story tends to trigger while supporting ourselves with kind words and actions. And we can focus and refocus attention on what we’re doing: being fully present while our self-concept hovers in the background.”
The answer we may be looking for lies in our self-concept, self-compassion, kindness, and self-love. What do you think?
email: ljw@superhumanbeing.net
website: https://superhumanbeing.net