Do you support a person who has a mental health condition, addiction, or trauma? The person often feels sad, and anxious, hears voices, remains awake for 72 hours straight (bipolar), is isolated, and has a host of other behaviors that interfere with their quality of life. Last week a friend approached me and began to tell me about their relationship with a relative. The relative decided to have no contact with my friend because my friend is connected to the relative’s mother. My friend inquired, “What do I need to do”?
I shared with my friend that in my early 30s and mid-40s, I had no contact with my parents. This allowed me the space I needed to feel safe and heal from childhood trauma. During this period of time, my parents attempted to connect with me by sending a letter, telephoning me, and sending flowers. This gave me the resolve to stay the course and take care of myself. Eventually, I initiated contact with them after about 10 years. During the subsequent 2 to 4 years I worked on healing and granting them mercy and forgiveness.
For the most part, my parents adhered to the boundaries I had established. When we reunited they were open to listening to the impact their behavior had on my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. We successfully nurtured a whole new relationship.
Back to my friend’s questions, “What do I need to do”?
- When a person states they don’t want to have contact with you give them the gift of space. Remember in many instances it is not about you. Rather it is about the person’s healing journey in life. I have seen many situations where a person who wants nothing to do with someone comes back to restore the relationship. Be patient, it can take sometimes years to reunite.
- When you interact with this person let them take the lead. Doing this gives the person a sense of empowerment.
- Listen with compassion, understand the person’s point of view, don’t feel like you need to solve a problem, and be nonjudgmental.
These are a few types you may find helpful. If you are patient and persevere you may one day get a letter in the mail, receive a telephone call, receive an email or text, or the person shows up on your doorstep. Have hope and faith that spiritual forces will guide the relationship to once again be reunited.
Peace
Larry
email: ljwinter@superhumanbeing.net
website: https://superhumanbeing.net/