During recovery, we may become aware that a certain person is no longer healthy to associate with. We may be electing to no longer drink and do drugs. We realize this is all we had in common with them. We may interact with a person who has a controlling personality. We may interact with a person who is verbally and emotionally abusive. We may interact with a person who tells us we are a bad person. We may interact with a person who has a mental health condition and they want us to feel sad and anxious just like them.
Honoring our Recovery is our number one focus. Therefore, letting go will bring grief into our lives and this is painful. It is even harder when it is a family member.
During my Recovery, I made the bold move to refrain from having contact with my parents. This occurred when I was 30 years old and lasted into my middle 40s. The reasons I did this were to give me the space and time to heal from the trauma and abuse of my childhood and let go of my anger and bitterness towards them. This was a painful period for all of us. I remember being alone during several Christmas and Thanksgiving.
Around 45 years old I felt I did a significant amount of healing and wanted to reconcile with my parents. During this time my relationship with God grew as a result of practicing the 12 steps. I am an imperfect person who often asks God for mercy and forgiveness for my behavior. I thought, “If God forgives my transgressions I in turn must do the same toward my parents.” When we stop a relationship it may be a good idea to keep the door open for reconciliation. On the other hand, it may not be wise to pursue reuniting due to an unhealthy circumstance.
The last 5 years have helped me come to terms with my feelings toward my parents. They moved to Eau Claire 4 years ago. My mother died 2 years ago (we had a loving relationship together) and my father lives next door to my wife and me. We spend a lot of time together enjoying his presence in our lives. Once in a while bitterness or anger surface. When this happens I turn it over to God and love my father for who he is.
Do you need to evaluate a relationship with someone in your life?
If so, what steps can you take today in order to honor your Recovery and healing?
Peace
Larry
email: ljw@superhumanbeing.net
website: https://superhumanbeing.net/