There was a woman who rented an apartment with another friend—renting together allowed each the ability to afford a decent living space. The woman was troubled with the man her friend was dating. The man drank heavily and had relations with another woman while dating the woman’s friend.
The woman clarified to her friend that the man was not allowed to visit or stay at their apartment. She said, “I don’t feel safe around him and I do not like how he treats you”. The friend agreed to this term.
Two weeks after moving in together the friend called the woman and said, “Can I have Bob come to our place to watch a movie tonight”.
The woman could not believe that her friend was asking her to have Bob over to their apartment since they previously agreed this was not okay. This type of behavior is common for the friend. She will agree with an issue and later attempt to test the boundary in order to get her needs met.
The woman was disgruntled over this request since she made it clear from the beginning Bob was not welcome in the apartment. She said, “I feel guilty, disrespected, angry, and now I am the bad person (shame)”.
Her friend was nonchalant about the whole thing and said. “What’s the big deal”.
The woman reached out to get a reality check from people she knew would be honest and hold her accountable. The support guided her to trust the boundary she had set and the reasons for it. She was reminded that setting boundaries can feel bad because it goes against human nature to take care of ourselves. Typically we want to be liked and we don’t want people to get mad at us.
Moral of This Story: Setting boundaries with people is necessary. Sticking to a boundary we set does not always feel good in the short run. However, in the long run, we gain self-respect, self-love, and compassion for ourselves and others. We are worth it!!
Peace
Larry
email: ljw@superhumanbeing.net
website: https://superhumanbeing.net/