When I committed to Recover when I was 30, it wasn’t easy to find any redeeming qualities about my childhood. My memories consisted of being physically abused by my dad, the peculiar behaviors of my mother when her bipolar symptoms emerged, the emotional abuse of my basketball coach, my substance abuse, and telling myself I was worthless.
I hung onto the feelings of these memories for 25 years. I felt sadness, anxiety, hurt, and a host of other feelings. These memories and corresponding feelings gave me a warped sense of purpose and comfort. It was difficult for me to acknowledge I experienced joy during my childhood. The pain and darkness overshadowed anything that was positive in my life.
Staying stuck in unpleasant childhood memories demonstrated how much healing I had to do as an adult. I worked my butt off to heal and began to remember the joys of my childhood. Here is what I remember; inviting friends over the play a game of pick-up basketball, going into the drug store and buying a “Big Buddy” (long stick of gum), and after eating supper darting out the door to go play kick the can with my neighborhood friends, dad and mom taking me to Dairy Queen to eat a banana split, winning my first trophy in a local freethrow contest, and going on a family vacation to a cabin in the Northwoods.
My ability to focus on the joys of childhood is a testament to the work I am doing to heal from the unpleasant scenes from my past. I do remember the pain from my past but they no longer dominate my existence.
Take a moment to assess your Recovery. Do you harbor the pain from your past? What childhood memories do you have that are joyful? If it is difficult to feel joy there is still healing associated with painful instances from your past. Regardless of where you are be kind and compassionate toward yourself. Recovery and healing is not a sprint but a marathon. The key is to keep falling forward and find joy in the journey.
Peace
Larry
email: ljw@superhumanbeing.net
website: https://superhumanbeing.net/